


Shattered Heart

by hwespn



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Angsty Schmoop, Arguing, Boys In Love, Castiel Has Self-Esteem Issues, Dean is Bad at Feelings, Dean is a bad boyfriend, Drunk Dean, Drunkenness, False Accusations, Feelings, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Nicknames, Pet Names, Schmoop, Self Confidence Issues, at first, but he ends up getting better, what else do i tag this??
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-20
Updated: 2015-10-20
Packaged: 2018-04-27 06:01:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5036548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hwespn/pseuds/hwespn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cas and Dean were given ceramic hearts where they write notes about what they love about each other and put it in the other's heart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shattered Heart

**Author's Note:**

> hellooooo it is past midnight where i am and i am exhausted so this isn't proofread but hope y'all enjoy x

            The hearts sat on their shared dresser, one with a “C” labeled for Castiel and a “D” labeled for Dean. Not actual hearts, of course -- ceramic ones with a milky white outside and a touch of red that you could see through the sculpted tube that was supposed to look like a superior vena cava. Inside each heart were tiny notes that the other put inside. They didn’t know when they were going to open them. Maybe they never would. But it’s just one of their “things” they did.

            Jess, Sam’s girlfriend, bought Dean and his boyfriend the hearts as a ‘just-because’ present and said the sales associate who sold them the hearts said they were for secrets and that the only way to read the secrets was to break your heart. But Dean and Cas never really played by the rules, they wrote their own story and ditched destiny on the side of the road. Instead of secrets, they put something they loved about the other. It wasn’t a routine for them to do so, but they both found themselves slipping one or two pieces of paper inside the other’s heart daily. Some may say the notes were technically secrets, since it was stuff neither of them would dare vocalize, but Dean and Cas knew how much the other loved him and the exact aspect didn’t matter to them.

             Cas sat on the couch late one Friday night, glancing at the clock every few seconds then at the door, awaiting Dean’s arrival. His legs were folded under him with a blanket on top of him and his large wire-frame glasses were perched on his nose as he tried to focus on the television in front of him and not on the absence of his boyfriend. Dean usually called if he was going to be out late, and Castiel began to worry.

_What if something happened to him on his way home from work? What if his car broke down and his phone isn’t working? What if-_

            All of Castiel’s questions were answered when Dean stumbled through the door, reeking of alcohol and cologne that was definitely _not_ his or his boyfriend’s.

            “Dean?”  Cas got up slowly from the couch, walking towards Dean who was leaning on a wall next to the door to hold himself up.

            “Hey, beautiful,” Dean stuttered, reaching out to grab Cas but almost losing his balance and falling in the process.

            “You’re drunk.” Cas crossed his arms, raising one eyebrow as he stared at Dean.

            “And you’re _still_ beautiful.” Dean slurred with a smile.

            “Come ‘ere,” Cas mumbled as he scurried to Dean’s side,  wrapping one arm around him to hold him up and guiding him to the couch, trying to ignore the heavy smell of cologne that wasn’t Dean’s lingering on his clothes. The blue eyed man helped Dean lay down on the couch, taking off his shoes and socks for him and covering him with the blanket he was using before.

            “I wanna sleep in the bed with you, baby.” Dean made grabby hands at Cas, eyes slipping open and closed drowsily.

            “I don’t think that’s a good idea, love. Just stay here, I’ll get you a bucket for if you need to vomit and some aspirin for the morning.” Cas kissed Dean’s forehead, trying to ignore the cologne smell and the thoughts in the back of his head.

            Cas wouldn’t fight with Dean when he’s like this. Dean is obviously intoxicated, and although that doesn’t excuse any of his possible actions, he still didn’t want to pick a fight with Dean when he couldn’t argue back properly. But he can’t help but wonder who’s cologne it is that is implanted in the fibers of Dean’s clothing. Cas brought his boyfriend a bucket from the cleaning closet and set it next to the couch that Dean slept on, then went into the medicine cabinet in the bathroom and placed 2 aspirins and a cup of water on the table in front of him. He kissed two fingers and put them against Dean’s forehead as he drifted to sleep, closing the light and stumbling blindly into his and Dean’s shared bedroom. He changed into pajamas and settled into bed alone.

            In the morning, subtle sunlight peeked through the white curtains and onto the beige comforter of the bed and on the sleeping brunet. Cas felt the light on his face, waking him from his sleep. He glanced at the clock on the wall which read 9:30 and huffed, running a hand through his messy, dark hair. Cas threw the covers off of him and rolled out of bed, shuffling out of the bedroom and down the short hall into the kitchen, peering at Dean who was sound asleep through a cutout in the wall separating the living room and kitchen. Sighing, Cas placing his hands on the counter, tilting his head downwards and exhaling as he attempted to think of what he was going to say to Dean. Minutes later, Dean woke up, his hand automatically flying to his head with a groan. He immediately grabbed the aspirin in front of him, putting them in his mouth and then chugging the glass of water. Dean’s eyes met Cas’s through the wall cutout and Dean smiled slightly.

             “Morning, gorgeous.” Dean grinned.

            “Good morning, Dean.” Cas looked away, turning towards a cabinet to grab a box of cereal and then towards the refrigerator to grab the milk.

            “What’s the matter?” Dean tilted his head, one of those idiosyncrasies he developed from Cas probably, “You seem upset.”

            “Why..Why did you come home last night smelling like cologne? And don’t even say it was yours, Dean, I know what cologne you wear and it does _not_ smell like something straight out of the perfume department in Macy’s.” Cas looked down at the counter, twiddling his thumbs between himself and the counter.

            Dean sighed, “I was at the bar last night with Benny and a few other people from work and this guy came up to me. He bought me a few drinks and sat close to me and tried to take me home but I told him I had a boyfriend. I swear to God, baby, nothing else happened.”

            “Okay.”

            “I love you, and only you.” Dean spoke seriously.

            “Okay.”

            “Okay?”

            “Yes. Okay,” Cas nodded.

            “Don’t you love me back?” Dean questioned.

             “Of course I do, Dean, I just don’t want to put my heart out to someone I feel is only half into our relationship lately.”

            “What!?” Dean exclaimed, “how can you say that!?”

            “How can you leave me worried sick at home like some housewife while you go out with friends and get cozy with some guy at a bar!?” Cas shot back, blue eyes turned icy.

            “I’m telling you, nothing happened!” Dean shot up from the couch, hands flying up in the air.

            “But this isn’t the only instance where I feel you don’t care anymore! How about when you go full days without talking to me for no reason? Or not even caring if I came home at night? Or how about when you flirt with people right in front of me as if I’m not even there!? I’m starting to believe you don’t care, and I don’t want to be your second choice! I’m tired of being fucking second!” Cas slammed his hands on the kitchen counter.

            “You’re not second! You’re my only one, Cas! I swear, why don’t you believe me!?”

            “Because I have always been second! Never in my fucking 28 years on this Earth have I been someone’s first choice, not even in my own family! What makes you any different?”

            “Stop it! Stop talking like that, as if you don’t even matter to me. Just because you can’t even begin to comprehend how much you mean to me doesn’t mean your worth isn’t there! You are so, so, so valuable to me, please, Cas!”

             “If I was so valuable then you would actually put some effort into us!” Cas yelled, head shooting up to look at Dean’s moss green eyes with his stormy blue ones. The couple went back and forth, screaming at each other until their throats were raw and they were blue in the face.

            “Just act like you love me or fucking leave, simple as that, Dean!”

            “You’re so fucking _stupid_ sometimes, Cas, y’know that?” Dean marched into the bedroom and came out with the ceramic heart with Cas’s initial on it. He threw it to the ground and picked up all the paper notes in it, “read these, Cas. Read these and try to say that I don’t fucking love you, because dammit, I love you so goddamn much.”

            Dean placed the notes on the counter in front of Cas.          

            “I’m so in love with you,” Dean whispered when he turned around to clean up the shattered heart on the floor, “and I’m not good at expressing feelings but Jesus Christ, I am so in love with you and I have been since you fought me over the check on our first date.  Read the notes so you know how in love with you I am, and reread them until you get it through your thick fucking skull that unless you want me to, I’m not going anywhere.”

            Cas peered down at the pile of white papers in front of him that had something Dean loved about him, all in Dean’s handwriting.

_That little head tilt he does when he doesn’t understand something_

_The way he has to move his lips when reading, like he’s talking but no voice is coming out_

_How he can’t cook to save his life_

_His preference for tea over coffee_

_The way he’s so unsure of himself, even though it makes me sad sometimes when he doubts himself._

_His love for animals, despite his allergy to most_

_When he’s sleeping and he starts to murmur words as he’s asleep_

_His faith in humanity_

_The way he makes me feel safe_

            The notes seem endless, but by the time Cas got to the last note, tears were streaming down his face as he folded it up and placed it in a pile with the others. Cas looked up to find Dean staring at him, broken heart cleaned up and green eyes shining.

            “Now do you believe me?” Dean mumbled.

            Cas leaned over the counter and kissed Dean lightly, whispering an apology in between breaths they took when they barely pulled away.

            Once they separated, Dean took Cas’s hands in his and kissed the knuckles.

            “I’m sorry I’m such an asshole and not a better boyfriend, I’m gonna try so hard now though, okay? I promise. I really want us to work out.”

            Cas smiled, “I love you, Dean Winchester.”

            “I love you so much more, Cas.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! leave comments and kudos and check out my other works :-)


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